As our society is becoming more sex positive it is important to look at the concept of virginity and question should it be an outdated ideal? Whilst the concept itself still holds a lot of power because of societal pressure and strong religious connotations, people are beginning to realise that simply it is not a big deal. Virginity, and what it means to “lose” it, is unique and different for every person.
Many believe that virginity is a social construct designed to shame people, particularly women, for having sex. Women have it buried in their subconscious that the less sexual partners they have, the more they will be respected by men. However, if a woman has not had much sexual experience then she is looked down upon as a prude or weird. There is no way to win this sexist battle which is every reason you need to do whatever you like. If you want to save your virginity until you’re 30 do it. If you want to sleep around then do it. It’s your life so there is no need to listen to other peoples projections on how you should live your own life. Sexual health is the most important thing you should consider not your body count.
Will it be painful? Will I do it with the right person? Will I bleed? Will it hurt? Will I be a different person? Are all thoughts that everyone has considered at least once and it is completely normal to worry about these things. During college there was a underlying stigma that everyone had to lose their virginity before university because everybody else will have. Once you reach university you realise that people will not judge you: if they do then they’re not the people you should be surrounding yourself with.
You can still want your first time to be special and not put pressure on yourself to make it that perfect moment. The reality is that there’s no “right” way to have sex for the first time. It will never be perfect for one of two reasons. Firstly, sex is different for everybody: never focus on what you’ve learned about "virginity" loss from TV, movies, or even your friends, because in real life, people’s experiences are always different and never completely perfect.
Emily Morse, PhD, SKYN Condoms’ Sex & Intimacy Expert said: “Not everyone bleeds the first time, has pain, or even enjoys it — and if you fall in those categories, know that there is nothing wrong with you.” Secondly, there is no perfect person, they simply doesn’t exist. However, what can exist is a person who does not make you feel pressured and feel comfortable with.
Once you eliminate social pressures and feel comfortable within yourself that’s when you know you’re able to make the right decision for you. The concept of ‘losing your virginity’ is different for everybody which is why it should be disregarded. Your sex life and sexual partners do not define you so no one can ever tell you what is right and what is wrong.