When to know a friendship has run its course

Friendship isn’t always as easy as it initially sounds. Growing up, it seemed effortless. At nursery, I played with everyone. In primary school, my group was basically just my year group, and then secondary school was all about seating plan alliances, and now, as I sit here reflecting, I miss how simple it all used to be.

But as you get older, it becomes harder. University, jobs, and big life changes test our friendships in ways you don’t always expect. You start to wonder if distance really does make the heart grow fonder, or does it break the bond that was once sealed in a Snapchat streak?

It’s no secret that friendships evolve as you change and grow. Moving to university or starting a new chapter in life forces a reevaluation of old relationships and a shift in personal priorities that consequently leads to building distance between our friends.

People change. Sometimes, that means growing apart. Sometimes, no one is primarily at fault; sometimes, it’s just part of life. Some people are just meant to stay for a chapter of your childhood and become a person you once knew.

Signs a friendship isn’t serving you anymore

Just as a disclaimer, I am not an expert in this field, just an ambivert who feels they might be able to vaguely point in the right direction.

There are clear signs that a friendship may have run its course, though they’re often easier to recognize in someone else’s relationship than in your own. One example is when meeting up starts feeling more like a chore than an exciting get-together, or when effort starts to feel one-sided. It may also be when shared interests start to fade, causing conversations to flow less effortlessly.

However, sometimes it can be toxic behavior, disrespect, and patterns that drain the relationship. When you’re asking yourself, “Does this friendship add to my life? Does it make me happier?” and the answer is no, it’s time to reconsider whether you should hang on or let go, without guilt.

Ending a friendship doesn’t need to be a dramatic discourse. It doesn’t have to be a ‘Love Island-style’ confrontation. Often, it’s about gently stepping back. You can say you’re too busy for that dreaded weekly FaceTime or skip out on the clubbing scene for that weekend because the aftermath leaves you feeling empty. It’s okay. Communication is key, but it’s also okay to prioritise your own needs. You don’t need to ghost anyone; it’s not Tinder, but at the same time, you don’t owe anyone your time if it’s no longer a positive or healthy relationship. If the friendship is meant to last, it will with little effort. If not, that’s okay too.

Prioritising yourself, If you take anything from this article, let it be this: Your friendship with yourself is always going to be the most important one. If you don’t like how you feel or act with a particular friend, you are more than entitled to let that friendship go. Guilt-free. No matter the history. That doesn’t mean to say you will never reconnect or that the memories will disappear. You have just chosen to put yourself first.

Edited by Phoebe Huzij