Valentine’s Day in an age of talking stages and ghosting

Gen Z breaking romantic traditions

If you spend as much time as I do on Tiktok, then you’ve come across the hilarious comments under videos of couples – ‘crying and throwing up’, ‘sliding down the wall’, ‘parting my hair with a chainsaw, ‘this is my 13th reason’. Clearly, people desire to be in relationships, and as we approach Valentine’s Day, honest envy of those with partners is even more apparent on social media platforms. Reading through comments and watching videos of young people expressing their loneliness piqued my interest. In an age of such strong digital connection, shouldn’t it be easier now more than ever to be romantically involved?

The ease at which people with an online presence can slide into DMs or swipe right on dating profiles makes romantic interaction even more accessible. However, the authenticity of bonds people form online is questionable. Terms like 'talking stage' and 'doing a thing', noncommittal and abstract in meaning, create a lot of grey space within dating that frees people from the constrictions of official labels.

The role of technology in romance

Technology during the lockdown phases of the pandemic played an essential part in maintaining intimacy. Whether it was by texts, calls or video, people had a way to be close to each other despite not being able to hug or speak face-to-face. However, the ability to have access to hundreds of potential partners means that young people are overwhelmed with options and, in their attempts to explore them, have to detach from having strong feelings that in the past would’ve led to monogamous long-term relationships.

We see people frantically asking for help to decode the difference between ‘do you want to come over’ and ‘come over’ – even the time it takes to respond to messages requires endless deciphering in group chats. This rhythmless tango in heteronormative relationships is one that keeps me, someone who went to an all-girls school, frankly afraid of the current dating scene.

How is it that communication between two people can be so difficult? Why is it expected for women to be codependent and men to be dismissive in these interactions?

Modern romance’s impact on media

This disorganised attitude to dating connections is reflected in the media that young people consume. As much as people express a desire for attention and affirmation, love has been made to look ‘uncool’. As a big R&B fan, I’ve noticed how this has influenced lyricism. Summer Walker experienced great success when she released her album Still Over It last year, garnering much media attention due to her inspiration from her previous relationship that ended sourly.

With lyrics like ‘Toxic, but you know I ain't goin' nowhere’ and ‘One minute, I hate you, the next minute, want it’, the success of this album can be linked to its relatability. Within pop, Olivia Rodrigo grew popular with her Sour album last year because of how many resonated with her lyricism. Like Summer’s, her lyrics reflected the pain of breakups and falling out of love that young people experience in their pursuit of romance.

What does this mean for the lonely?

Bell Hooks commented in her book All about love that we are “raising a generation of young people who will grow up afraid to love, afraid to give themselves completely to another person” because of the fear of taking the risk of loving and not having it reciprocated.

As we approach Valentine’s Day, it appears there’s a heavier air of pessimism that people have given up on the idea of forming healthy connections. For any readers who find themselves feeling this way, may you be comforted with the knowledge that you are not the only one.

While platonic relationships can’t fully serve as a replacement for a romantic connection, let’s not forget the importance of diverse connections with people and the different ways we can experience love.

Edited by Michelle Almeida