Is there a “self-care excuse” or are we all just bad friends?

It goes without saying that spending time alone and dedicating a few hours to ourselves is essential for our well-being. But where do we draw the line? Should we really be skipping plans with our besties just because we “aren’t in the mood”?

Imagine this: you’ve been planning your extravagant 21st birthday for a whole year. The invitations went out six months ago, and the outfit has been hanging in your wardrobe for weeks. Then, two hours before the party, your best friend sends you this message:

“Hey girl, I’m not going to make it tonight, I just really need a warm bath and a chill night on the sofa.”

So, where do we draw the line? It’s becoming more common for friends to cancel plans in the name of “self-care,” swapping nights out for skincare routines and fluffy pyjamas. And honestly, my answer is that it depends on the situation.

If you know that your friend, or even you, are cancelling plans simply because you can’t be bothered to leave the house, then maybe it’s time to ask whether that’s really self-care or just being a bad friend.

Sometimes, friendship requires a little sacrifice. Celebrating milestones and spending time together is just as important as time spent alone. There have been so many times I’ve wanted nothing more than to stay home instead of heading out for dinner with the girls, but often, that’s the only time everyone’s free.

Sometimes, you just have to show up.

That being said, life can be exhausting. When things get emotionally heavy, skipping an event can be completely valid. If your mind isn’t in the right place, you won’t be truly present, whether that’s during a bingo night or at the bar. When life feels overwhelming, it’s okay to take a step back and prioritise yourself.

The key is communication. You’re far more likely to be labelled a bad friend if you keep cancelling without explaining why. A simple message can go a long way in helping your friends understand.

So really, it comes down to balance. You’re only a bad friend if you stop putting in effort when you actually could. Self-care is important but so is showing up for the people who care about you.

Edited by Phoebe Huzij