Ask Becky: Struggling with loneliness at university? Here’s how to deal with it

University is a unique experience in so many ways.

I was a fresher at 21 years old. I thought because I was slightly older I would be more sure of myself and wouldn't get caught up in feeling lonely or experiencing FOMO. Unfortunately, I was very wrong.

I'm almost certain every single person you meet at university would have felt isolated and lonely at one point during their degree. It's an unspoken thing we all go through, especially post-Covid. As you grow and change as a person, so do your values and needs – and what you look for in friends also changes.

If you're anything like me, you may have been slightly envious of those around you and their established group of friends, housemates, drinking buddies and wondering why is it so hard for me to fit in and have that? When you are surrounded by that kind of energy, you overthink ways to get what you want and this distances you from getting it even more.

There is an epiphany buried within feelings of loneliness.

While there is pleasure in the buzzing chatter of friendship and social stimulation at university, it remains an experience designed to teach you about who you are as an individual. You come to university to become the adult you wish to be and a lot of what you experience is temporary. It is a tool to grow.

It is natural, especially in the age of social media, to unconsciously hold expectations of who you should be and what you should have. But here’s what you need to take away from this – you don't need what others appear to have. You're doing your degree. You're here for a reason. You're learning and growing. And that’s all more than enough.

Get involved in hobbies you enjoy and prioritise relaxing and having a nice time – that is when you will make friends. When you are focused on yourself and your happiness, you will find like-minded people.

Last year I cried for a whole week because everyone I wanted to live with had signed up for a house. I was worried I wouldn't have friends this year, and it brought up feelings of deep loneliness and rejection.

If I were to go back and talk to that person now, I would let them know that it didn't even matter. I may not be particularly close with my housemates, but I have friends that I spend my time and laugh with. I am doing my degree, writing for this magazine, and more than anything, I’m enjoying my life.

I wasn't meant to live with those people, it would have thrown me off my path.

I wasn't meant to have the same experiences that others had.

I am exactly where I need to be right now, and so are you.

In the end, we’ll all graduate and live completely different lives and what we are doing now will impact who we are then.

Edited by Michelle Almeida