Opinion: why normalising female pleasure is a good thing

I didn’t know a woman could orgasm until I was probably around 17. I was having a conversation with my friends, one of those hilariously random conversations where nothing is off limits, and someone bought up masturbation. Now this may just have been me being innocently naive, but I genuinely believed masturbating was only something you could do if you had a penis.

We learnt about male orgasms in sex education classes at school, but not once was orgasming ever spoken about from a female perspective. Boys would openly laugh and joke about masturbating, but I don’t think I ever, apart from that one enlightening conversation with my friends, heard another girl mention what orgasming felt like. But what is to be expected if we are only being taught half the story in school?

My high school sex education days are long in the past, and since then there has been a shift in the way female masturbation is discussed; not a seismic change, but significant enough to be noticed. The discourse around vibrators and what climaxing feels like for women has grown online, to the point where it no longer feels taboo. Vibrators are more widely available online, being sold by the likes of Beauty Bay, not just in stores you’d expect like Ann Summers, making female pleasure more accessible.

Even Youtubers such as Zoella have begun openly talking about vibrators with their subscribers which, contrary to the immense backlash she received for the reviews on her website, I believe is a monumental step in the right direction. However, back in 2021 Zoella in fact was dropped from the AQA media studies curriculum for her content about vibrators, which exemplifies exactly why we need to destigmatise female pleasure. Vibrators are not some sinful symbol of embarrassment.

If the people who are responsible for educating us about our bodies and teaching us healthy conceptions of sex are branding content concerning female pleasure inappropriate, what kind of message are they sending to girls curious about exploring themselves? It adds to the outdated narrative that female masturbation is shameful and abnormal which fuels false preconceptions that women shouldn’t masturbate.

We need to encourage more healthy conversations about our bodies and how we can explore them from a younger age. Teach girls it is perfectly normal to explore their curiosities. Teach them the different ways they can explore themselves safely. Provide resources and materials showing orgasms are normal, no matter your gender.

I am not by any means saying schools should start encouraging 15-year-olds to invest in vibrators, but they should be telling girls that it is normal for them to explore themselves in the same ways as boys. We are heading in the right direction, but there are still many steps we need to take to continue destigmatising female pleasure.

Edited by Imogen Bowlt